Zen & the Art of Dating (Chapter 10)
In 2024, Matt Johnson’s band, The The, released Ensoulment, their first album in 25 years. On it was the first and only song I’m aware of that’s explicitly about dating apps and the state of dating in our tech-dominated society.
The song takes a very thorough approach. The first verses describe, from a woman’s perspective, what single life is like for someone who longs to partner with another. It sets the tone for what home life may be like. Then it gets into what she’s feeling, how she goes about setting up her profile, and why she starts seeking another before getting into the chorus, which aptly describes the apps.
The second verse moves to a man’s perspective. It starts by describing a relationship he left, which may have left his former partner happier without him. As it starts describing the man’s urges, it makes some interesting observations about how the pursuit is more exciting than the catch. (I think this is what many women in their profiles are referring to when they say “no games.”)
After another chorus, he gets into what I believe is the most fascinating and revealing third verse. It reveals the sinister tech machine behind the apps. The ones who know they have us where they want us and profit from our constant pursuit of something we used to pursue and find naturally: romantic love.
Then it ends on what I see as a recommendation… a reminder of how we did it before tech took over everything:
”Though it's a cliche, maybe it's true?
That only when you stop searching for love
Will love come searching for you.”
I recommend giving it a listen.
Verse 1:
Welcome to the world of singledom
Microwave dinners made for one
Lies in her bed, stares into space
Wistfully thinks of their last embrace
But there's plenty more fish in that ocean
Someone with genuine emotion
The bottle is empty, it's getting late
Types in the virtues of her perfect mate
Committed, kind, clean body and mind
Solvent, truthful, refined
Adds an alias for anonymity
A postcode for proximity
Concealing her age, revealing her doubt
That staying in is the new going out
But she's dreaming of whiskery lips
Kissing their way from ankles to hips
Breasts are yearning, loins are burning
Flirting with the point of no returning
Chrous:
Swipe to the left, swipe to the right
She needs somebody tonight
Oh yeah? Oh yeah
The passionate cries of shared desires
She needs somebody tonight
Oh yeah? Oh yeah
Verse 2:
Sitting at the bar, mindlessly drinking
Eating crisps and thinking
It's making him anxious, bruising his heart
She seems happier now they're apart
Though he was the one who fled their cage
He's now the question mark on the empty page
But life is short, it's growing dark
Is tonight the night he'll make a fresh start?
Is travel more satisfying than destination?
The chase more exciting than consummation?
Wrestling with thoughts he dare not speak
He feels so shallow it's almost deep
Then three pints down, he's feeling fine
He's nowhere, everywhere, at the same time
Bullied by his bodily urges
Checks his phone and recent searches
The fluid starts to rise
That familiar throb deep inside
Chorus:
Swipe to the left, swipe to the right
He needs somebody tonight
Oh yeah? Oh yeah
The passionate cries of shared desires
He needs somebody tonight
Oh yeah? Oh yeah
Verse 3:
A vast mosaic of electric eyes
Watches the slaves of desires
The virtual lives, lonely struggling
Endless lies, loveless coupling
The dance of strangers who'll never meet
Hearts worn thin by restless feet
The faster they chase, the further it runs
The deeper it cuts, the quicker it numbs
Though it's a cliche, maybe it's true?
That only when you stop searching for love
Will love come searching for you
Chorus:
Swipe to the left, swipe to the right
We need somebody tonight
Oh yeah? Oh yeah
The passionate cries of shared desires
We need somebody tonight
Oh yeah? Oh yeah
Oh yeah? Oh yeah
Oh yeah? Oh yeah